THE ABC OF RELATIONSHIPS

THE ABC OF RELATIONSHIPS

Many people in our society especially those who are still single and searching have always wondered the way forward toward getting the perfect girl/guy for themselves. Though am not a specialist in this dating and relationship game (As a matter of fact am an ICT guy), I have something I can share about how to get the right person for yourself. Remember, God is the ultimate giver and God enables us to get the right person. With prayers and dedication, we can always get the right partner.

The following qualities that am going to share is from life experience, youth seminars that I have attended talking about the subject, talking (or is it gossiping??) with my friend and those close to me and also from personal insight. It should not serve as the ultimate guide but looking closely, it can work in most circumstances when searching for an ideal partner is concerned. I call them the ABC OF RELATIONSHIPS and they follow in the order of A, B, C, D, and E.

A FOR AGE

Age, is as it is. The figure of the number of years that you have lived on earth. Age compatibility is crucial as it makes people be at the same level of maturity in all aspects as in physically, emotionally, socially and probably spiritually. Age compatibility is more of personal choice but looking around; relationships are suited by having a man older than the woman. Moreover, the age gap should be reasonable. Hooking up with someone who you have an age gap of more than 10 years will raise eye brows. Normally as you age, people older than you, their sexual energy will wane faster and this will lead to dissatisfied people who are sexually starved. So for biological reasons, hook up with someone who is your age mate.

B FOR BEAUTY

I love quoting the song, “Beauty is in the eye of beholder”. Again here, there are no stipulated guides about who is beautiful or handsome for that matter, it’s more of a psychological perception of an individuals concerned. But the truth is, there is someone who you view as beautiful or handsome. Some girls prefer dark skinned men, muscular men, tall men taller than them, men with broad shoulders while some guys prefer slim girls, heavily built girl with lots of flesh, light skinned girls, dark girls, tall girls, short girls or whatever….( I have my own personal preferences here ;) ) . But by all means physical compatibility dwells much with someone who you are comfortable with in matters of beauty or handsomeness.

To add more onto this, make an effort of being beautiful or handsome yourself by living a healthy lifestyle that favors you. Engage in exercises, eat well, groom yourself well, be nice to yourself and people will be attracted to you.

C FOR CHARACTER

Character is the distinctive qualities that make you who you are when viewed by other people. This goes hand in hand with attitude toward yourself in particular and life in general. Some people love talkative people, quiet people, boisterous people, positive minded, meek, humble, etc. According to the bible, as a Christian there are some qualities that we are bound to look for i.e. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-  Even for the pagans and atheists they well know that lovely, peaceful, gentle, meek and temperate people are good to be with. Look out for the characters that suit you most in a partner. Personally I would never date someone who is proud and God forbid, who consumes liquor. But again here its more of  a personal choice.

D FOR DOGMA/DENOMINATION

Dogma are a set of religions belief that one hold on as true. Denomination is a group of religious people that share common beliefs.  Find someone who share your beliefs and save yourself the confusion of where should we go? Who should we follow?

Many young people tend to ignore this when dating but later in life it bears its fruits when one tries to decide which faith their children should follow. Moreover, as Christians we know so well that religious compatibility has a spiritual payoff in our households. As a Muslim or Hindu, religious beliefs are tightly knit into their social fabric such that marrying from another religion is almost a religious abomination. So to avoid the difficulties arising from not sharing faith, just date someone who you have common faith.

But again if you are comfortable with inter-dogma dating, fine as long as the two of you reach to a common agreement in matters of faith.

Some Christian denominations too are too strict on inter-denominational dating and marriages. Seventh-Day Adventists, Jehovah Witnesses, The Akorino Churches among others extreme faiths prohibit inter-denominational marriages and marrying someone who you do not share faith is not allowed. But again, personal preference wins as long as there is mutual agreement upon the two who are dating.

E FOR EDUCATION

Education level is not even debatable in dating. Figure this out, how can I a PHD holder comfortably marry a lady who has attained her highest education level of Standard Five? As much as it’s a personal choice on this matter, try and get someone who is academically compatible with you. Academic compatibility helps very much in decision making, personal budgeting, social interactions and communication between partners. Men of late have been complaining that the modern breed of educated ladies is not worthy marrying due to their pride and vanity. Trust me; all they need is an understanding man who is bold enough to ascertain their womanhood and to show them that men still have what it takes to be men in the society. 

SUMMARY OF QUALITIES OF A GOOD PARTNER

This list is an adapted source list from people I normally meet in the society. Some may agree with your ideal some may not. But I just did a summary of them since everyone has his or her own personal preference. Read on.

1. Respects everyone, everything, as well my personal choices and opinions
2. Someone I am entirely comfortable with
3. Holds the same values and morals as me
4. Honest
5. Sincerely cares about me and my well-being and makes me believe it
6. Good communication skills; cares about communication; can talk about things reasonably, even if we disagree
7. Must care about the relationship and be willing to put time and effort into maintaining and strengthening it
8. Happy, positive, optimistic person
9. Believes in love and marriage and believes that two people can be together forever
10. Emotionally mature and available
11. Spiritual
12. Confident and secure with themselves; high self-esteem, but not egotistical
13. Loyal and faithful
14. Patient
15. Compassionate
16. Motivated
17. Makes me feel safe and protected
18. Would never intentionally hurt me
19. Has dreams, goals, and aspiration; actively pursues these
20. Would be my best friend and a shoulder to lean on
21. Understands that relationships aren’t all perfect, and that sometimes fighting can resolve difficult issues
22. Loves me for me – faults, imperfections and all – and loves me all the more for them
23. Strong integrity
24. Kind
25. Has good relationships with other people, including family, friends, and co-workers
26. Likes helping others (through his work, volunteering, etc.)
27. Easy to talk to
28. In tune with what I’m thinking and feeling
29. Willing to wait until I’m ready to do sexual things and doesn’t pressure me; will be more interested in sex because he wants to be with me, not because it’s sex and he just wants it
30. Always excited about our future together
31. Trustworthy and trusting
32. Doesn’t expect me to change for him/her
33. Good with finances and money
34. Good listener
35. Able to balance work and family
36. Wants to get married and has qualities that would make for a good husband
37. Wants a family and kids; family oriented; has qualities that would make for a good dad
38. Knows how to make me smile and laugh
39. Healthy; takes care of his body
40. Understanding
41. Supportive
42. Conscientious
43. Concerned
44. Gentle and tender
45. Enjoys what he does for a living, is good at it, and is involved in it
46. Great sense of humor, but knows when to be serious
47. Thinks I’m beautiful/handsome, even when I don’t feel like I am (just woke up, etc.)
48. Would be a lifelong companion
49. Intelligent
50. Doesn’t purposefully make me uncomfortable
51. Not abusive
52. Strong
53. Hopelessly devoted
54. Good character
55. Stands up for what he believes in and doesn’t give into pressure
56. Takes care of me
57. Lets me take care of him/her
58. Sees us as equals who complete one another
59. Won’t put others down to make himself/herself feel better
60. Will be proactive and goal-oriented
61. Dedicated and hard worker
62. Fun to be with
63. Get along with and likes my family; is family-approved
64. Gets along with and likes my friends; is friend-approved
65. Non-smoker/Non Drinker
66. Must not have been involved in substance abuse of any kind (alcohol, drugs, etc.)
67. Takes me seriously
68. Allows me to keep my old friends
69. Won’t beat a dead horse of a conversation when we disagree, and try to strong arm to prove he/she is right
70. Won’t be selfish with his love when things don’t go his/her way; loves me unconditionally
71. Will be accepting of who I am, where I’ve been, and what I’ve done
72. Will not have girl friends/boyfriends who are more than just friends
73. Will stand up for me if someone unexpectedly attacks me, verbally or otherwise, and ask questions later
74. Will know what a commitment is and follow up that knowledge with actions that support it
75. Would stay with me through joy and pain
76. Will have a backbone in the relationship and not be afraid to tell me “no”
77. Won’t take himself/herself too seriously
78. Able to laugh at himself/herself
79. Open-minded and non-judgmental of others
80. Feels comfortable talking to me when something is bothering him/her
81. Will be able to think about the future and has a good idea of what he wants
82. Good hygiene
83. Doesn’t drink a lot
84. Cleans up after himself/herself
85. Gives me butterflies; someone I can’t stop thinking about
86. A guy my mom would approve of and love, someone my dad would like, someone I’m proud to bring  home
87. Not able to figure me out entirely; allows me to maintain a bit of my mystery
88. Appreciative and grateful
89. Sensitive and empathetic
90. Sincere
91. Understands that “no” means no
92. Has hobbies that keep them busy and make them happy
93. Flexible and compromising
94. Understands that work and career are important to me and allow me to pursue those things
95. Thoughtful and introspective
96. Well-schooled and articulate
97. Affectionate
98. Knows how to take care of himself/herself (e.g. preparing meals, doing laundry)
99. Appreciates culture and would enjoy traveling, visiting exhibits, and reading books and then discussing them with me
100. Will have already installed the filter that lets him know not to say inappropriate, offensive things in front of me