Why “I Hate” Single mothers.

First notice the “I hate” is in quotes for one reason, my hatred is specific and I am going to state the facts here. So many people think that I hate single mothers but I do not.

First of all I have a lot of respect and appreciation for ladies who deliberately choose to be single mothers, out of choice, but not due to circumstances. Life does sometimes force us to make tough choices and at times the choice is to be a single mother. WHY?

Some men, women would rather be without them. Examples…

• You meet a man who wishes to marry you and take over your life entirely to an extent of telling you to resign from your lucrative career and be a house wife and out of love you accept. Then they take that for granted and make your life miserable. No maternal support, no financial support, etc. all in the name of guarding his foolish ego!
• Some men can make a woman die out of heart attack. All they do is entertain all sorts of women and expect the wife to continue being submissive and humble, and stomach all that bullshit.
• Some men are extremely jealous, they want to monitor all your movements, they want to dictate when you come home and when you leave, the type of friends you should have, what activities you should do, when and when not to talk to people including over phones and online, …you will never feel happy or free being with them.
• Some men are hopelessly drunkards and extravagant and they still want the wife to take care of the family with her income as they wine and dine their asses in bars, clubs with mysterious women! Worse they cannot even satisfy their wives sexually!!

So such men and others, if a woman happens to just meet such type and is a career woman with a lot of ambitions, it is easy to push her to choosing to be a single mother rather than she become a wife and end up losing her entire life, giving up all her ambitions and opportunities, living a miserable life waiting to die a pre-mature death… all in the name of being married!!

Some women realize their full potentials as single mothers, far much better than if they were married. After all, you will bear me witness that some of the most powerful women in the society happen to be single mothers.

Marriage is slavery to some.

What makes ladies become single mothers?

1. Some women do indeed get children who are unplanned for, and some between planned and unplanned e.g. during sexual relationship with a man who later denied pregnancy or avoided responsibilities of fatherhood.
2. Other ladies just wanted a kid regardless of either they are married or single, one to call their own….a piece of her own flesh and blood.
3. Others were in marriage/relationships that simply did not work out either the man was highly untrustworthy and worse.  Infidelity seemed almost a universal problem among the fathers. Drug and alcohol problems, criminal behavior, and domestic violence are extremely common thus making most ladies quit that marriage/relationship and opt to bring kids alone or to remarry someone else.
4. Other women got raped, and chose to retain the pregnancy to full term, or simply did not know how to abort it.
5. Some got into that situation out of being sexually immoral and could not take charge of their own sexuality so as to avoid getting pregnant.  They could sleep with any man i.e. people’s husbands, old dogs, pastors etc with little regard of consequences. Remember, no matter how it is, still naturally ladies carry the burden of bringing that child to this world.
6. Some had husbands/trusted partners who later died thus rendering them single mothers. (But such are widows by right name)
7. Others it is due to lifestyle that does not allow them to have men in their lives e.g. career choices, etc.
8. Some ladies still are ungovernable and simply no man can tolerate them. They have the type of characters that would simply make even the best man out there avoid them. Some even start up as nice girls who later change into someone who the man cannot continue living with.

That said; let me dwell on the category that I hate.

1. Some single mothers are as such out of their own making, or lack of self sexual control. They are the type of women who will go having sex with any man swinging an erect dick towards their way without regarding the consequences of their actions. The type whose children are of unknown heritage. They will have children fathered by a one Anthony somewhere, another by a Momanyi when she used to live in Kakamega, yet another by a one Hussein when she went to coast for a holiday, yet another by an Otieno whom she had a one drunken night stand at a pub in Kibera slums! Some women simply do not know that their bodies were supposed to be respected. They are worse than dogs (bitches) that live in Dandora dumpsite that gets to breed with all male dogs in the neighborhood. Yet they are the ones who insist “Love me as I am”. One child men can understand and take care of, but more than 3 all of different DNA, hell no! With such ladies, I do not respect and will never honor.  Some even make single mother hood a source of living, full time career by convincing several men that they are the father of their child, and continue demanding paternal upkeep from the men!
2. Then there is the category that will compete for married men. As long as the man has what she wants e.g. great looks, money, charisma etc. She will work very hard to seduce the married man, or that man in an already stable relationship to overtake the lady in his life. She will seek to tie him to her by having a child with “him”. The “Him” is in quotes because some ladies will even get that child elsewhere but try to force the rich man to take responsibility. But since the agreement was never to get a child out of that union, such men almost always disappear once a lady declares she is pregnant. My question is, why should you go trying to wreck someone’s relationship or marriage for your own selfish reasons? I am sure the misery you will suffer as a single mother, is an answered prayer for the woman you wanted to overtake.
3. There is this category of hell raisers. Full time Drama Queens. The types who can make a man mad due to their life full of Dramas. They will get a nice young man, committed to marry them. The relationship might even progress to marriage. But these ladies are simply daughters of hell. They normally come with volcanic tempers that can even make a soldier coil in fear. The type when angry will destroy everything in their way one would think the house was struck by a hurricane! Worse, they enjoy the dating cum wooing games and have a way of attracting men in their lives such that their husband will never be at peace with them. It is unfair that some are extremely physically attractive too! They never recognize that respect is paramount in matrimony and will wish to subdue their husbands.  They will stress their spouse until it is the man who literally runs away from her. Then they later want to seek sympathy under the banner of single mothers. Total misuse of the phrase!
4. Another category is those who always run after the bad boys. They argue that nice men are boring. They will even have a nice man seducing them and they will let him down flat and break his heart because they are after that bad boy who makes their emotions run wild thus making them think that they are so in love even when they are crying daily. Worse of the bad boy happens to be moneyed they will argue out that “Better to cry in a range rover than to laugh on a bicycle”. They will even know the bad boy is a womanizer and in their fantasy to transform him they throw all caution to the wind and get so deeply engaged with them. Some against all sound advices from caring friends and relatives. They only come to realize what a mistake they made once they are pregnant or with a child and the bad boy is nowhere to be seen as he is already chasing after other fresh pussies! They later become so bitter with men as they often feel used, wasted and dumped by men. But they saw all the warning signs that their relationship is doomed and chose to continue! They are to blame! Granted, some nice men are understanding and can understand this scenario and bury the past and move on as long as the lady has learned her lesson and moved on. As matter of fact, most single mothers who come out of this category normally end up as very loving, caring and considerate women who are extremely responsible and guess what, men’s magnet! Because, such single mothers are like refined Gold which is time tested.

One notable character about most single mothers is their inability to move on from the past. They so cling to their past bitterness and transport that bitterness to their present which greatly puts off the men who are willing to date them for a serious relationship. They often wish the men who made them single mothers would go to hell and burn (worse, somehow, that bitterness is projected to even other people generally and hence why they are quick to insult any person who crosses their path whether innocently or deliberately). It is worse that most still have ties with their exes and no matter what, they still stalk their exes, their exes wives and lovers, still so in touch with them even if the lady is in another promising relationship or married, something which greatly puts men off too!

Why most single mothers always wish evil to the ladies in relationships and marriages is also so worrying. Just because you messed with your life or life messed with you, wishing someone else to undergo what you underwent is simply wrong. Most single mothers are notorious for discouraging ladies from getting married or into relationships. Some even advance the false feministic mentality that being empowered as a woman is all about being a single mother a gospel which is very wrong! Some will even sabotage their friend’s relationships so that they can have a taste of their own medicine! Also why they always insist the ladies of their age who have no children must have aborted is beyond me. Just because you were not sexually responsible does not mean all ladies were like you, carry your cross with dignity.

Why do men fear dating and marrying single mothers?

1. They fear that the father of the child might later come back to claim his baby, more so after the step father has nurtured that child up to adulthood. (this has happened to some and it is very heartbreaking to bring up a child who later denies you completely)
2. They fear that you might still be living in denial and that you still hope that one time the father of your child shall come along and rekindle the past passion. (Some ladies even go back to their ex! Even after having been married elsewhere)
3. They fear that the child might inherit character traits from the biological dad that might be unbearable.
4. They fear that you still communicate with the father of your child, or are still in love, or worse are still sleeping with them!
5. They fear that you might tend to be more protective to that child when it comes to disciplining the child or give that child more attention than your lover.
6. They fear that the kid(s) might not accept their new dad, something which can easily dent a man’s ego and love for you
7. They fear the added responsibility that comes along with an extra person in that marriage. Remember, ideally marriage begins with two; it is all about the harsh economic situations.
8. They fear that you might still be bitter with your ex(s) and might extend that bitterness to the current relationship. Most ladies with a bitter past almost never loves fully again.
9. Most men enter into a marriage expecting to have their own biological child. So men tend to fear that you might push that agenda further so that you can bring up the first child which is not “his”. Worse are those men who wish to get specific number of children e.g. 2, and when you come into a relationship with a child, they feel their desire threatened.
10. The child may be too young requiring too much attention which the man is not prepared to handle. Worse due to the children needing mum more…it is difficult to organize spontaneous dates and night sleep over dates! Unless the woman has someone she can trust to take care of her kids, not easy though.
11. The child is already old enough to know you are not the father when you attempt to discipline the child might as well say, "You are not my dad" a thing which hurts men's ego like a kick in their balls. Worse, the mothers sometimes make disciplining step children worse by defensively saying, “Are you beating him because he is not your child?”
12. The elusive question, "Are you my new dad?" From smart kids is not too easy to handle.
13. The children might be defensive of another man coming into their mum's life especially if the last relationship was very bad and children witnessed the bitter break up.
14. The mum might as well hate the children from previous relationship, a thing which will confuse the man further!
15. They fear of the arrogant attitude, “Accept me as I am” displayed by most single mums without necessarily reassuring the man of the above fears!

Lastly:

To single mums who wanna get married

There is this habit that most men fear in you, and it is the driving force in all insecurities in all potential men who wanna love you.

We understand mistake do happen in life and one becomes a single mum. And good loving and nice men are ready to settle with a lady who has kid(s) as long as you are a nice woman.
But the habit of keeping in touch with your ex(s), the father to your kid(s) in the name he is checking on the kids’ welfare, how he is fairing, growing, etc and to some extent meeting you often to check on that and even offer support to the kid, or demand time with the kid YET you are already in another relationship or married, that habit is disgusting and a sure way to break your current relationship. Some ladies even continue sleeping with their ex…the mere fact that there is that permanent biological tie between you and the dad, the kid, is an enough reason why your current lover would like you to completely break off all communication with the father of your child.

Give your current lover time to adjust and start seeing that kid as his own, also intervene to help the two to form a love bond and teach your child to respect the man who now loves you. Do not make the child feel like an unwanted burden in that love, remember the fact that the child shares a different biological roots makes it a love triangle! The man in your life cannot force the child to love him, it is you who can. The best thing you can do is to make that kid love its step dad like a real dad.

Also closely monitor the child’s behaviors since should the child start acquiring strange characters, the step dad might feel haunted by the fact that the kid ain’t his biologically, take the lead to make sure the child learns good manners while young.
And for the sake of trust, cut ties with the dead beat nigga!

With those few remarks, I am done writing about single mothers, for now.

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