Thursday, 29 August 2013

6 KEY ELEMENTS you can ignore in your potential mate at your own peril

Rachel got married to Dominic, her sweetheart of a short time and they began living together. Their marriage is just in its infancy and based on the amount of daily arguments, fights etc they obviously are headed for the rocky seas of marriage which may either strengthen or wreck their marriage.
One day, Rachel decides to call a local radio station seeking advices on what to do. Here is a summary of her story: “My husband of 4 years has really changed, he no longer touches me passionately like he used to. Our sex life is dead; it is like I am living with my brother. I also don’t feel him anymore.” She continued, “I have recently met a man whom I believe is my soul mate, he is caring, loving, appreciative, romantic and the most handsome man I ever met….” Such stories have become common in our local radio station and one wonders, what is going on? How can you claim you are no longer in love with someone who you could have killed for just a few years ago?

The modern society has many challenges and one of the greatest is marriages and relationships. But the road map to a fulfilling relationship is just within reach and many people continue to ignore the way marks, to their own peril. Below are 6 Elements of a potential partner you cannot afford to ignore if you are serious of what you want in a person.
Two lovers
Many people keep on telling me that age is just a number, but biology says otherwise. For true compatibility with regards to social life, sexuality, intellect, etc it calls for someone who rhymes with your age. 42 years old can never reason the same as an inexperienced 20 years old mate. With little variation in age comes different experiences in social life and thus the greater the age difference the more the difference in experiences. Experiences in our lives to an extent determine how well we can reason under different circumstances. To be on the safe side, it is better to settle with someone who you can refer to as an age mate with little difference of age. Age difference though is a personal choice that is settled individually.

Whenever I hear ladies talk of the proverbial “Tall, dark and handsome” man, I at times wonder whether the combination comes packaged with other benefits too. Physical beauty cannot be ignored. The physical outlook of your mate must be in accordance to your preference as everyone is created differently. Ask yourself, “Is this the type of a physical person I would like to be with, what changes are acceptable with regards to physicality, …” If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who currently you are not at ease with physically, e.g. weight, height, general outlook etc, and you enter into a long-term relationship with such, sooner or later the incompatibility will come back to haunt you. Does she meet your minimal beauty requirements; does he meet your minimal handsomeness requirements? If not don’t waste his/her time. It is better to end a relationship than marriage.

Besides physical attributes, characters make the inner beauty of a person. How does he/she treat you, how does he/she handle herself in front of your parents, friends, relatives and strangers?, how does he/she respond to your needs?
Characters define a person since they are elements of someone’s personality and they serve very much to determine compatibility amongst two people. It is not a strict necessity to get someone who matches your characters but at minimum someone whose characters are agreeable to you.

What beliefs does he/she ascribe to? Does her /his belief influence his decisions, how he behaves, how he manages himself, etc?
Our religions are part of us. They shape our behaviors to a large extent. If you are really interested in someone now and later, it is worth considering his/her religion. Moreover, if you are dating someone who appears as he/she is not into any religion, it is wise to know of his future plans regarding the same so as to avoid conflicts later on. Some radical religious changes in people fuel marital problems in so many homes thus being a factor in breakups.

We all say and insist that love is blind. But honestly, can a PHD holder reason the same way as a person who never stepped into class one? I don’t think so. Education level for a potential mate can really determine the direction of a relationship. Being intellectually compatible can be such a nice thing in relationships as it is possible to reason to a great degree in the same manner, or the difference of thoughts will not differ much. 

This is not easy to know with the current social settings where many young people are meeting in major towns and fall in love. But wherever possible it is a good thing to enquire on some family background in all possible aspects e.g. biological, social, spiritual etc. Some traits are hereditary and will to some extent determine someone’s behavioral patterns. All the same, environment can shape someone so family background may be overtaken by the events that occur in someone’s life e.g. someone may decide to get saved, to become Muslim etc, against what his family believes in.

With the above key elements, they all can be condensed to a personal level and they can be used to guide on compatibility with someone now and later. It is worth noting that the social dynamics are real forces to reckon with that determine someone’s behaviors. At times a person can be quiet unpredictable. The person you know now may later turn into a stranger to you, or worse, some people are known to pretend while they are single and searching only to later resume to the normal self after they settle, thus presenting a total stranger to their partners.
If people paid attention to at least the above elements, some breakups would be prevented.

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